Beef Yellow Curry

Welcome to the Beef Yellow Curry Show

If you're here because you googled 'beef yellow curry' instead of booking a flight to Thailand, congratulations: you've passed step one of survival in the modern world. You want dinner, not diarrhoea, and I’m here to give you both (kidding, mostly). Let's disrupt your taste buds with spice, wit, and the slow realisation that your cooking skills are as under-seasoned as your Tinder profile.

The Cast: Ingredients for Life (And Curry)

Forget the Michelin stars – here's what you need to get started:

• 500g beef (brisket or whatever was on clearance at the butcher)
• 3 tablespoons yellow curry paste (the kind that threatens your dignity and your digestive tract)
• 1 can (400ml) coconut milk (because cream is for cowards)
• 2 potatoes, peeled and chopped (so you can feel you're eating healthy)
• 1 onion, sliced (cue the tears, both culinary and emotional)
• 2 carrots, sliced (yes, colour counts as nutrition)
• 2 tablespoons fish sauce (or liquid regret)
• 1 tablespoon sugar (just to make your GP weep)
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil (for your daily recommended allocation of… oil)
• Salt and pepper, unless you like bland regret
• Fresh coriander and lime, for the Instagram photo that will get two likes - from your parents

Cooking: The Important Bit (Pay Attention, Millennials)

Ready? Here comes the drama:

1. Sear the beef in a pot with vegetable oil. Listen for the sizzle – that’s ambition dying.
2. Once browned, toss in the onion. Saute until everyone in your flat wonders if you’re burning the house down.
3. Add curry paste. Stir. Inhale. Wonder if this is what enlightenment smells like, or just fire hazard.
4. Pour in coconut milk, fish sauce, sugar, and potatoes. Stir like you mean it, or at least like you want dinner tonight.
5. Chuck in the carrots. Simmer on low, lid on, for about 45 minutes. This is your cue to open a bottle of wine.
6. Season with salt, pepper, and intrusive thoughts. When the beef is tender and the sauce has thickened, you’re done.
7. Serve with coriander, lime wedges, and serve over rice. Plate up. Photograph. Upload. Wait for validation that never comes.

Top Tips, Or How To Ruin This Less

• Swap beef for chicken if you like disappointment.
• Want it coconut-ier? Double the coconut milk. Or, as your arteries call it, Russian Roulette.
• Hate vegetables? Great! Skip them. Just don’t tell your mum.
• No curry paste? Mix turmeric, cumin, and an existential crisis.

Nutritional Breakdown: Lies, Damned Lies…

How healthy is this? Well:

Ingredient	Calories (Approx)
Beef (500g)	1100
Coconut Milk	350
Potato (2)	300
Onion	45
Carrot (2)	50
Sugar	50
Oil	240
Fish Sauce/Salt/Seasoning	20
TOTAL	2055

Does this add up? Possibly. Will it stop you from eating it? Definitely not.

Don’t Just Read – Go Make Something

So, if you fancy spicy, creamy, and a meal you’ll remember only for the gas, beef yellow curry is your dish. Go cook. Brave the kitchen. Share your results so we can all pretend to care in the comments below. Because nothing screams curry night like a touch of self-loathing, a lot of flavour, and a blog post you should probably not show your nan.