Chips, Cheese, and Gravy: A Guilty Pleasure

Welcome to Culinary Low Points: Chips, Cheese, and Gravy

Ah, chips, cheese, and gravy. The holy trinity of questionable life choices. The perfect meal for when you want to say, “I’ve absolutely given up,” but you also want a little comfort along the way. Who needs dignity when you’ve got dripping melted cheese and a flood of brown, gravy-soaked happiness rolling over yesterday’s fried potatoes?

Some call this the ultimate comfort food. Others call it a cardiologist’s best sales pitch. Either way, let’s embrace the chaos and ride the cholesterol wave together.

"If my arteries could talk, they'd just sigh and say, 'Again? Really?'"

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Ingredients to Underwhelm Even the Most Demanding

• Frozen chips (or fries, for those whose culinary identity is American denial)
• Cheese – lots of it. If it melts, it works. If it squeaks, even better.
• Gravy – preferably the type that looks like it’s seen things.
• Salt (for the wounds)
• Optional: A napkin to dab away your tears/grease

Callout:

Want to get fancy? Great, replace ‘chips’ with ‘hand-cut Maris Pipers’ and ‘cheese’ with ‘artisanal dairy poetry.’ Otherwise, just get on with it.

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How to Make a National Treasure (Then Eat With Regret)

1. Bake or fry the chips. Or just stare at them until they’re about as warm as your ex’s heart. 2. Spread them on a plate you’d never use for guests, obviously. 3. Smother with cheese. More is better. If you can still see chip, you’re not done. 4. Drown the lot in gravy. The more it looks like a flood plain disaster, the more authentic it is. 5. Salt, serve, and prepare for the self-loathing to set in.

Highlight:

For added flair, eat directly from the baking tray. It saves washing up and any remaining sense of self-respect.

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Pro Tips, or How to Disappoint a Nutritionist

• Upgrade the cheese: Mix cheddar and mozzarella—because one heart attack is never enough.
• Add toppings: Bacon bits, spring onion, or even pulled pork. The only limit is your desire to see your GP.
• Gravy options: Beef gravy is classic, but if you’re feeling vegan, swap for mushroom gravy so the sadness is sustainable.

Remember:

"Don’t overthink it. If you wanted a salad, you’d have made better life choices."

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Nutrition Information: Giving Up Has Never Been So Calorific

ComponentApproximate Value (per serving)Calories900 (but who’s counting?)FatHigh enough to lubricate a tankProteinSome, just enough to justify it?CarbsAll of themVitaminsNegligible. There are potatoes, thoughPull Quote:

"This dish is proof you can’t put a price on happiness, but you can definitely tally it on your doctor’s chart."

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Now go forth, assemble your chips, cheese, and gravy, and remember: happiness is temporary, but regret lasts a lifetime!