Quinoa and Roast Vegetables

Welcome to Quinoa and Roast Vegetables: The Hippie Dream

If you’ve ever woken up craving a dish that makes you question whether you’re a rabbit or just someone pretending to be healthy for Instagram, congratulations. Quinoa and roast vegetables is for you. This is the recipe Gwyneth Paltrow talks about on a first date to scare people off. Ready to disappoint your taste buds and satisfy your soul? Let’s go.

The List of Ingredients (or, How to Annoy Your Local Grocery Clerk)

Here’s what you’ll need to make yourself the talk of the detox circle:

• 1 cup quinoa (the superfood that’s a little too pleased with itself)
• 2 cups water (preferably not from a puddle)
• 1 red bell pepper, diced
• 1 yellow bell pepper, diced (because stereotypes exist for a reason)
• 1 large zucchini, chopped
• 1 eggplant, chopped (or aubergine, for anyone desperate to seem cosmopolitan)
• 1 red onion, sliced
• 2 tbsp olive oil (extra virgin—because apparently, oil is more valuable without a sex life)
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 1 tsp smoked paprika (or regular paprika, if you’re feeling rebellious)
• Salt and pepper to taste
• Lemon wedges, to squeeze over when you want to look smug

Step-by-Step: Finding New Levels of Commitment

1. Preheat your oven to 220°C (428°F). That’s hot enough to melt your will to cook but not your dreams.
2. Toss all your vegetables (bell peppers, zucchini, eggplant, and onion) with olive oil, oregano, paprika, salt, and pepper on a baking tray. Spread them out like your social commitments after quarantine.
3. Roast for 25–30 minutes, or until caramelized and ready to make all carnivores roll their eyes.
4. Meanwhile, rinse the quinoa under cold water. If you skip this, quinoa tastes like the disappointment of checking your bank balance after buying three avocados.
5. Cook quinoa: In a saucepan, add quinoa and water. Bring to a boil, then simmer covered for 15 minutes until water is absorbed. Fluff with a fork because apparently, quinoa needs validation, too.
6. Mix everything together: Combine quinoa and roasted veggies in a massive bowl. Squeeze those lemon wedges all over, like you’re on a detox retreat and your leader’s watching.
7. Serve warm or cold. If you’re feeling extra, sprinkle with feta, fresh herbs, or existential dread.

Tips and Variations: Just in Case You’re Not Difficult Enough

• Allergic to bell peppers? Swap for mushrooms. Or just complain loudly, that often works.
• Want protein? Add chickpeas, tofu, or the tears of anyone who thinks quinoa is a breakfast cereal.
• Fancy some heat? Toss in chili flakes—because why not turn your digestive tract into a Slip 'N Slide?
• Vegan? All good. Cheeseless is just fine, no matter what your mother says.

Nutrition Information: Saintly or Sorry?

Here’s what your Instagram followers pretend to care about:

If you actually make this, be sure to tag us—because nothing says happiness like photographing your food before you eat it. Now, go forth and convert your carnivore friends. Or at least confuse them.